Dutchman Adventures
by ThePirateFangirl
Summary: A series of partially-connected one-shots about me on the Flying Dutchman. Why? Because I can! Watch as I'm both a nuisance and source of amusement for our cursed buddies, the Dutchman Crew. Rated 'T' because I swear a bit. Nothing much, but I do.
1. DA: Insanity

I stood completely still, barely daring to breathe. This was amazing. This was the end. This was...

An Orange.

No, it was The Annoying Orange. I had many things to say to this guy, as he had been bothering me for quite awhile now. What with his... orangeiness... and the fact that he's an orange. Where did that word even come from, anyway? Orange. It's so weird. These were the things I pondered at night when the creaking of the ship kept me awake.

The Orange sat there, unnerving me. I picked it up. Nothing happened. I poked it. Still, nothing. No face appeared with a lame joke. I squinted at it. Perhaps it was hiding. Then, I had an idea.

Davy could make it appear! Davy can do anything!

I took the Orange and ran out of the hold. "Captain! CAPTAIN!" I spun on the spot, and spotted him inconspicuously trying to slide into his cabin. "Captain!" I ran over. He sighed. "What, Miss Burton, could it possibly be this time?" I held up the Orange in his face. "I need you to make the Annoying Orange appear." He looked at me. I was dead serious. I suppose it showed on my face, because he squinted one eye at me. "...WHAT is that and WHY should I?" I brought the orange down to my eye level. "The Annoying Orange is an orange, who has a face. He really just bothers other fruit. He's this orange, I know it. But he's hiding. So I need to make him appear, because I have a bone to pick with this guy." I jabbed the Orange where his eye should be. Captain turned to Palifico. "Take stock of the rum in the hold." Palifico, with one last look at me, turned and did as he was told. Davy put his human hand on my forehead. I flinched and craned my head back. "Nyeahhh, your hand's cold!" He frowned. "Do you have a cold, perchance?"  
I thought about it. "Well, I have been feeling a little crappy... so I took some cold pills. But not Alkaseltzer. I HATE Alkaseltzer. I had to have some last year, and I had to take it every night and there was this one time where I almost threw up because I filled it up too much so the medicine was in this giant glass of water and I had to drink all of it, and-" Bootstrap, who was standing on the other side of Davy, felt my head as well, and then cut off my rambling. "Well, that explains everything. You overdosed for a minor cold and now you're completely nuts." Davy rolled his eyes. "She always has been completely nuts. Just the medicine macks her lack any self control she may have been using." I looked up, my eyes filled with tears. "The Orange just insulted me! He said he didn't like my hat..." Bootstrap patted my head. "It's alright. I like your hat." I tried to smile, but then scowled at the Orange. Davy sighed once more. "Take her to her cabin, Bootstrap. I can't deal with anymore of this." Bootstrap nodded. "Aye, Captain." He took my shoulder and steered me in the direction I had come from. I scowled at the Orange once more.

"You know what? Screw this!" I shook off Bootstrap's hand, took a running start, wound up, and chucked the Orange over the railing. It flew through the air, and then hit a rock that was protruding from the water, as it was low tide. I watched with evil satisfaction as it completely blew up, sending orange rind and guts everywhere. "YOU DESERVE IT! STUPID ORANGE! YOUR MOTHER WAS A SQUASH AND YOUR FATHER WAS A CUCUMBER! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON SKITTLES!" Bootstrap sighed, picked me up, and carried me, still screaming insults at the now-dead Orange, back to my cabin. The deck was completely silent. Then Manray spoke. "And that, mates, is why we will never understand women." There was a chorus of "Aye!", and they continued to work like I hadn't just screamed at an orange.

And, somewhere in the United States, the real Annoying Orange plotted his revenge...

* * *

A/N Dutchman Adventures. Give it a shot.

Well, This is essentially about me getting on the _Flying Dutchman, _and bothering the crap out of the crew. :D How I love writing these...

But, anyway, if you don't like it, don't flame. They'll be used to cook my breakfast, or marshmallows. I love marshmallows. :D

Fangirl out, peeps.


	2. DA: Whip

It was one of the more boring days on the Dutchman. Captain wouldn't let us go anywhere, though he said he'd be more then happy to let me off the ship to go home. However, I had just stopped by the house yesterday, and assured him I was perfectly fine. He slouched away. I didn't know the Captain did that. Hm.

Anyway, I meandered around the ship, and saw the perfect opportunity to cause some mayhem. It was Whip, and furthermore, he was unattended! I crouched down, and scanned the deck for Jimmy. I couldn't see him, so I ran over, grabbed Whip, and ran off.

As I was looking over my shoulder, I ran smack into Greenbeard. "Ah, I'm sorry!" Greenbeard rolled his one visible eye. "Now, if you'll excuse me." I made to slip around him, but he grabbed my arm. "What are ye doing NOW?" The sarcasm was evident in his voice. I racked my brains. "Well, you see, I have come into the possession of a certain article that is of value to a certain Bo'sun, so, you see, I am running. Away." I pointed in the direction I was going. He tried to make sense of my blithering, and then shook his head. "What?" "I'm running away and hiding from Jimmy because I have Whip!" I held it up for him to see. "Toodles."

I took off again, this time headed for the hold. When I got down there, I hid behind a crate. Now I simply had to wait until Jimmy discovered Whip was missing, and then the chase would be on for real. Niko walked by, and spotted my hat. "Jen? What the hell are ye-" I grabbed his arm and yanked him down, hissing "SHUT UP IF YOU WISH TO LIVE!" He gave me a look. I rolled my eyes, sighed, and held up Whip again. "I have Whip, and am hiding from Jimmy." The look he was giving me turned into a very evil smile. "Heh." He sat down next to me, and I mimed for him to be silent. "What?" I sighed. "Don't say anything!" He shrugged. "Alright."

Just then, we heard shouting from above. "WHERE IS IT?" We snickered simultaneously. "WHERE'S WHIP? I'LL KILL THE BLOODY SCOUNDREL WHO STOLE MY-" He was cut off. "Oh really now?" We shared a confused look, and then my eyes widened. "Damn you, Greenbeard!" Niko turned to me. "What?" "I ran into Greenbeard...literally...out on deck." "Well then." We heard heavy footsteps come down the stairs, and then there was Jimmy's silhouette was in doorway. "We're screwed." Jimmy walked towards us in a very leisurely fashion.

After about ten seconds, I just couldn't take it anymore. "HERE! TAKE WHIP BACK, YOU'RE REALLY SCARING ME!" I jumped up and threw Whip at him. "NOT AS MUCH I WILL BE IN A MINUTE!" I bolted out of the hold, screaming at the top of my lungs, with Jimmy on warpath after me.

–

"So why didn't you get whipped?" I sat carefully next to Niko. He shrugged. "Because I was only guilty by association." Captain was passing by, so I complained to him. "Why did I get whipped? I'm not part of the crew!" He stopped. "Ye live on here, don't you?" I shrugged as best I could. "Essentially." "Then what applies to the others applies to ye as well." He walked away. I thought this over. "Dammit!"


	3. DA: Mistaken Identity

Dutchman Adventures: A Case of Mistaken Identity

It was a somewhat rainy day, and I convinced my mother to take Clanker, Ogilvey, and myself to the Bangor Mall. Now, this mall is a good hour away, and the only reason that we were headed up there is because my mother had to go shopping at Sam's Club, A.C Moore, the L.L. Bean Outlet, ETC. This would give us ample time to walk around.

She dropped us off at the Sear's entrance. "Don't BOTHER anyone. Security wouldn't be all that happy..." Mom seemed nervous to be leaving me alone with them. I rolled my eyes. "Mom, it's fine." I leaned on her open door. "'Sides, I live with these guys, Mom. It'll be ok." I shut the door, patted the side, and she was off, slowly maneuvering her way around the congested parking lots that surround the giant shopping plaza. I turned to Clanker and Ogilvey, who were gaping at the sheer size of the Mall. Or, at least I thought Ogilvey is gaping. You could never tell with him. I grabbed both their hands and dragged them towards the entrance. "Come on! We can get giant soft-dough pretzels, and I want a candle, and..." I pulled them through the double doors. Clanker, his one eye huge, looked around at the lights. "What are those?" He looked down and saw his reflection gleaming back at him from the tile floor. "WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?" Ogilvey's gravelly voice was bordering on the edge of scared. "Madness? This is the mall." I unzipped my white hoodie, wearing a bright blue long sleeve shirt underneath. Clanker shot me a look. "What happened to the red-striped shirt?" I shrugged. "I was cold." I then linked arms with both of them, steered them past the gawping crowd, and into the central part of the mall. "Sooo... where you wanna go first?" Clanker growled at a pair of girls who are staring. "What were you saying about food?" Ogilvey was looking at the Mall-Map. "They say this is a map?" He was completely baffled. I smiled. But there was no way I was explaining this to him. "It's a map only smart people can read," I teased him. "Better study some more!" He rolled his one eye and we continued on.

Five minutes later, we were sitting at a table, eating soft pretzels. Clanker was pulling his apart, piece by piece. "I dunno..." Ogilvey was examining his. "Look, Gil, it's just bread with salt on it." I took a big bite to prove my point. He gave the pretzel one last scrutinizing look, and then took a small bite. Then he put it down, and announced with the obstinacy of a small child, "I don't like it." I burst out laughing. Clanker did as well, his deep booming laugh making the other tables turn to look. I took a sip of my chocolate milk. "What is that?" Ogilvey tried to change the subject. I rolled my eyes. "Nice subject change. It's chocolate milk." He squinted at it. "What?" I sighed, and stood up. "It's milk that tastes like chocolate. T'is good." Clanker took it from me and chugged it. "That was good." I stood glaring, and then huffed and walked away, leaving them standing in a throng of people. "Hey, wait!" They followed me into the very middle of the mall. Ogilvey turned. "Is... That a car?" I looked as well. "Yup! They do that sometimes... how they get it in I have no clue." Clanker shut his mouth, clearly that had been his question. "Hey, look, it's Hollister! Come on, I'm going inside." Both followed me cautiously towards the dark-lit store that had Sammy Adams booming from it. We went inside.

Ogilvey groaned. "If I had ears, I'd be covering them right now..." The music was much louder inside, making the floor shake. I looked at him. "WHAT?" He shook his head. I shrugged and slid through a clothes circle. A striped top caught my eye. In fact, the entire rack caught my eye. I pulled a couple off, and went over to a mirror. Unfortunately, none of them were long enough for my liking. I sighed and walked back to where I had left the boys. They weren't there. My insides suddenly froze. I spun around a few times, and then ran over to a group of people. "Excuse me, have you seen a guy with a giant algae covered hat, and another guy that has one red eye in the middle of what could be called his forehead?" I was given a number of strange looks, and they turned away. "CRAP!" Where the heck were they? Spinning around again, I caught sight of a giant hat. I sprinted over.

Clanker and Ogilvey were standing in front of a mannequin, and Clanker was poking it. "I think she's frozen." I was about to say something, and then stopped. The mannequin was wearing the same shirt as me, with a white hoodie. They thought it was me. They actually thought it was me.

It was all I could do not to burst out laughing.

"Jen? Can we leave now?" Ogilvey was now talking to it. The mannequin, of course, said nothing. "Jen? JEN!" I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around their shoulders. "So what we doin'?" They both froze, looked at me, and then at the mannequin. "Hey look!" I stepped forward and turned, facing them. "We're twins!" Clanker and Ogilvey turned to each other, realization dawning.

I, for one, would never let them live this down.

A/N Because, I'm just that cool. I get mistaken by my Fish Friends as for Holliester models.

And, to my first ever reviewer, HappyStoryReader, thanks for your review! I'm glad you like it. :D

Fangirl out, peeps.


	4. DA: Davy in Wonderland

Davy sighed. Another trying day, only so because of one little girl, who came up to about his upper arm.

Jen was an annoyance. Everywhere he went, she would pop up, asking him random questions... Even asking him to make some Annoying Orange appear! Who does that? "Who else but our Jen?" He muttered, and then stopped. Had he just said that? OUR Jen? He sighed again. It was pretty much true. The crew, whether they would admit it or not, all enjoyed having her around. She lightened up the days, even if she hindered work progress. But they loved her for that, too. Nothing he did could make her go away, even going so far as to treat her like crew! It was hopeless. He was doomed to have a spaz aboard his ship for a very long time. Davy went over to the organ bench and sat down. He was too run-down tonight to play his usual music, so instead he just closed his eyes, and sleep came to collect him...

Davy suddenly opened his eyes. Where was he?

In a field. He was in a field. LAND. He jumped up. He was touching land! Where was the Ocean? He needed to get back to it! But then he realized. Nothing was happening. He looked around. He was standing in a field. Under a tree. Wearing... what the hell? "WHO IN THE NAME OF MY BLOODY LOCKER PUT ME IN A DRESS?" He roared. There was no answer. It was light blue, with a white apron. There was a bow in his beard. He still retained his claw and tentacled finger, so he couldn't get it out. He was wearing only his bandana, his hat was gone. He sighed. If the crew saw him like this...

His thoughts were interrupted by Penrod hopping by. "I'm late, I'm late..." He was about to call, but stopped. Penrod was wearing a hat, a nice blue vest, and holding a golden pocket watch. A small pair of glasses were perched on his nose. How peculiar. "Penrod!" Penrod stopped, and looked around. He spotted Davy, gasped, and ran towards a hole in the ground. "Penrod, ye spaz! Get back here! Ah order ye as Captain t'get back here!" Penrod didn't listen, instead crawling down the hole. Davy regarded it. Penrod had been able to crawl down it quite easily. He could probably make it, too.

Getting down on his hands and knees, Davy crawled into the hole. It was actually pretty easy to do, only his shoulders brushed the sides a little. The tunnel turned a bit, and then a bit more... He could hear Penrod up ahead. Why hadn't he stopped? Suddenly, a hole in the ground gaped before him, and before he could stop, he was falling head over heels. "WOAH!" A clock flew by, and a ticking noise surrounded him. Cries of "You're late!" Followed him down. However, Davy didn't care. "AHHH!" He flew past a waiting umbrella, and kept tumbling down.

Finally, he landed with a 'thump!' on his face. "...Ouch-ah." He tried to get up, and saw Penrod. "Penrod! This is all your fault! I'll have the Bo'Sun give ye a good whipping when we get back, oh yes..." Penrod, however, didn't seem to register that his Captain was speaking. "Oh, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late..." Davy raised a non-existent eyebrow. "Late for what?" "A very important date!" Penrod looked at the watch. Davy started. What with all the ignoring before, he was surprised that Penrod had responded. "Oh... What should I do?" Penrod turned to Davy for the first time. "Oh, you come too. Ye're expected, ye are." Davy looked around. "Whom by?" "The Queen!" Penrod exploded. "She's expecting me for a very important lunch, and if I miss it, it'll be very bad, sir, very bad indeed! Come." Penrod started hopping off. Davy brushed off his dress, and followed. It suddenly struck him odd that Penrod would be speaking so coherently, but, hey. He was the one wearing a dress.

–

Penrod kept up a steady flow of groans, "I'm Late!"s, and "Hurry up, would you?"s. They headed into a forest. It was rather intimidating, but the path they were on was sunlit, so it was fine. After a while, they came to a fork in the road. There was an old sign post, with the words "Here" "There" "That Way" and "This Way" on it. Penrod looked right, and then left. "Where are they?" Davy spoke, confused. "Who? Ye're the only person I've seen so far, lad." Suddenly, two forms jumped down out of an overhanging tree. Davy shouted, and went for his sword, but it wasn't there. Penrod, however, walked forward. "Ah! There ye are. I've got the guest." Davy finally got a good look at the pair. After a moment, he spoke flatly. "This had better be a dream."

Before him stood Clanker and Koleniko, looking strange. Both wore their regular clothes, but along with that, Clanker had tiger striped cat ears protruding from his hat, and Niko had striped brown. Both had bushy tails swishing behind them, and two very large grins. "Ah." Clanker started. "The guest." Niko added. "We've been waiting for you." They both swept an arm out to the side, indicating to walk forwards. Davy shot them both strange looks. "And a good day to you." They then fell in behind him, with Penrod in the lead. Now, Davy had to listen to stream of complaints, and the "Cats" snickering about one thing or another. After another bit of walking, they reached a clearing. Davy, having had enough of their quiet laughing, twirled around. "Now just what are ye laughing about, Coxswain?" Niko stopped. "Nothing." His smile slipped onto his face again. "We were just talking about the direction in which we were heading." Davy looked around. "Where are we, anyways?" Clanker spoke. "We're neither Here, nor There. So, we must be at This Way." He grinned contentedly, tail swishing lazily. Niko's ears flicked. "Is that supposed to mean something?" Davy was now really confused. "I thought we were going to go see the queen, whomever she is." "Ah, but on the way to the Queen is Here, There, This Way, and last, but not least" "That Way." Clanker interrupted Niko. And, all at once, they began...dissolving. Evaporating. Fading away, if you will. Right into thin air. Both had their giant grins on once more, and they were the last to go. Davy stood there, gaping. "I feel somewhat insignificant now." Penrod tugged on his skirt. "But, that's not the point, sir. Now, we must be off once more." He started off. "Ye wait just a minute here. I don't know how they did it, but where did Clanker and Koleniko fade off to?" Penrod smiled. "It matters not. We'll meet them when we go see the Queen, aye? There's just one more stop we need to stop at before we can go... because we're late! Let's be off!" He began hopping again, and lead the way down a riverbank. The clearing slowly stretched until they were in another field. Well, not really a field... a lawn, more like. In the distance, there was an interesting silhouette. It looked like... Well, Davy had no idea what it looked like. As they got closer, a tree blocked his view. Finally, grass gave way to tiles, and they came around a corner, and...

Davy face-palmed.

Sitting there were Hadras, Maccus, and Bootstrap. Bootstrap was dead asleep at the table, his snoring no small force. Hadras was sipping some tea, whilst Maccus was looking like he would gladly murder someone. "Hello, Hello!" Penrod hopped in. "Oh!" Hadras spilled his tea on the table. Rather then getting upset, he just smiled widely, and got another one. "Hello! Ye're just in time for tea, yes." Penrod waved his hand. "Can't today, good sir, I'm late!" Maccus rolled his one good eye, a brown, rabbit-looking ear falling over his face. "You're always late. Ye can't ever stop just once?" Bootstrap continued to snore. "I could, but I'll be seeing you at court!" Suddenly, a clock tolled. Penrod's eyes widened. "AHH!" He started to run, the tails of his vest flapping. Davy took off after him, and heard Bootstrap mutter "Was that the guest?" and then Hadras' happy tone. "Well, he was wearing the dress, wasn't he?" Davy's shoulders slumped. "I hate this..."

The sound of trumpets, first soft, but gradually having gotten louder, filled the air. A row of... people, lined the road. Some looked a little Italian, there was a set of twins, a red-head... "Who are you?" He asked one girl, with curly brown hair. She gave him a look. "We're the trumpeters. But if you really want to know, we go to school with the Queen. We've known her since she was six. Anyway," She prodded him with her foot. "You'd better get going. Our Queen can get... impatient." Davy nodded, set off again, and then froze. "Why do I have a sudden sense of foreboding?" Penrod, annoyed, came back, grabbed his sleeve, and stamped down the walk. A table came into view, a high-backed chair as well. It was Navy Blue, and somewhat fuzzy. Davy's sense of foreboding grew as Clanker and Niko grinned at him from either side of the chair. Penrod hopped to the front, and bowed. "Presenting the guest, your Highness!" A braceleted hand beckoned him. He'd seen those bracelets before... He walked over.

...And, sitting in the chair, in a poufy black and red dress, no less... was Jen.

Davy, despite his standing, despite the fact he was the Captain of the Flying Dutchman, screamed.

And then sat up straight, chest heaving. A nightmare... that's all it was, a nightmare. He was wearing his coat again, and the rest of his barnacle-covered ensemble. He stomped out of his cabin. Maccus didn't have rabbit ears, Penrod wasn't wearing glasses, and Clanker and Niko didn't have ears or tails. Everything was calm.

For now.

A/N –looks up- Wow, that's my longest Dutchman Adventure yet. Except it wasn't mine. It was Davy's… never mind. If anyone is actually reading this, sorry for the slow updates. I post this on DeviantArt from my Netbook and then post it on here from my school Macbook. Anyway. Please review! I want to know what you think…


	5. DA: Valentine

I stomped around the deck, the cold and the closeness of a date finally getting to me. "I HATE TODAY!" I threw myself onto the deck, and sat, shivering slightly. "And why would that be?" Hadras tossed a blanket over, and I gratefully accepted it. "Because it's bloody cold, t'is why..."

I had started to adopt some of their ways of speech, and though I was mocked at school, it made me feel fuzzy inside. "Ye sure it's not 'cause of the nearness of a certain date?" Jimmy walked by. I paused in my shivering. Did he know? "...Dunno what you mean." "Oh, I think you do." He turned, and walked back towards me. "Because, today is February the Thirteenth, making tomorrow Valentine's Day." I shrugged, looking up at him with what I hoped was indifference. "Yeah?" He just smirked, shook his head, and walked away. I sighed. Whether I would admit it or not, he was right. I hated Valentine's Day.

Though, every year for the past few years, there had been the mandatory "Make for one, make for all" Valentine's rule, but once you were past 6th grade, that rule was void. So, therefore, no Valentine's for me. Though I did get chocolate from my best friends, it wasn't anything like a paper heart from a guy. And so I was bitter. And, with my luck, nothing would happen again this year. Yes, there would be the usual "Sledding for school day" and then coming back to the Dutchman to teach the boys how to make Hot Chocolate... but still. I really just wanted a card. Just one.

So, the rest of the day passed in it's usual bothering fashion, and I went to bed laughing at the plight of some unfortunate crewmember.

And then, I woke up, and had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

There, standing all about in my cabin, were about twenty Valentine's Day cards, and a bouquet or two of flowers. I sat up, bare-feet on cold damp wood notwithstanding, and read each and every single one. Here was one from Niko, and a short "Happy Valentine's Day" from Maccus, a smiley face and a heart from Penrod, and so many more... My heart was literally melting.  
To top it off, there was even one from Davy. "Have a very Happy Valentine's Day, and don't bother me."

I smelled one of the flowers, a rose. I then flicked some of the thorns off and tucked it behind my ear. When had they done this? They hadn't been here last night... Oh god. Had they gone and raided town? No, because we don't have any roses in town... I stuck another rose in my hair, pulled on my bathrobe, and opened the door. There was no one in the hallway, so I went down to the galley, where something was wafting. There sat the whole crew, looking somewhat on edge. When my presence was totally recognized, I smiled. Not my usual "I'm so happy I could eat a sandwich!" smile, but a real one.  
"You all just made my entire year." A voice that I recognized as Quitannce's spoke. "It was Jimmy's idea." I turned, somewhat shocked, to look at the surly bo'sun. He simply shrugged. "No woman should feel unhappy on Valentine's Day." I had to bite my lip to stop myself from beginning to cry. All I could choke out was "Thank you." But I'm sure that was enough.

Because, for the first time ever, he smiled back.

And it was the best Valentine's Day ever.

* * *

A/N Hey people! Yeah, a bit mushy, but, still… Anyway! I've got people checking this out from Hong Kong! WOOT.

So, as usual, Review if you want, because it motivates me, blah, blah-blah blah blah… The purple button calls... Thanks. :D


	6. DA: Christmas

DA: Christmas

"JIMMMMMY!" I skipped down the stairs towards the Bo'sun. He sighed as I came over. It was his turn to be subject to the terror of talking to the spaz.

"What now?" He grumbled. "I need you to help me decorate the tree!" I clasped my hands. He frowned. "Do I have to?" "Davy said so." Jimmy growled at me as he tied Whip to his belt. "He's the Captain, and you will refer to him as such." I rolled my eyes towards Greenbeard, who was smirking, and led Jimmy up to the bow.

At my insistence, Davy had allowed a couple of the men to go onshore and get a Christmas Tree. They didn't know why, because the tradition started after they died, but they did it anyway. I had made some ornaments, taken some from home, and brought them onboard, but I needed some help with the higher limbs. This tree was around eight feet tall. Maccus had picked it out. I remember complaining about it.  
_"MACCUS!" I shouted as he hauled the tree out of the woods. "That tree is taller than DAVY wearing his HAT." He set it down and looked at it. "Seems like a nice tree to me." There were general sounds of agreement from the other men. Angler, Quittance, Manray, and Crash had joined us on this excursion. I face palmed. "Fine. But you all have to carry the damn thing back to the ship…" _

So, I had gotten my tree, the crew had gotten to pick it out, and Davy didn't have to help with any of it. It was a win-win-win situation.

"Ok, Jimster. I need you to put some of these ornaments on the higher branches. Whichever ones you want, just be careful, because they-" The tinkling sound of breaking glass cut me off. "-'re made.. of… glass." He looked down at the red fragments in his hand. "What should I do with it?" I shrugged. "Throw it over the side, I guess." He did so, and picked up the next ornament much more carefully. "…Why does this say 'Wyvern' on it?" I grinned through the branches at him. "Because I made one for all of you!" I picked up one that said 'Clanker' in green glitter. They were all red or green balls, with the opposite color written on it. I had made sure that I made one for everyone, as a Christmas present that could actually afford.

I heard Jimmy pause. It seemed something had occurred to him. "And don't call me Jimster." I scoffed, rolled my eyes, and moved on.

About fifteen minutes later, the tree was decorated in garland, ornaments, and for some reason, seaweed. I wrinkled my nose at it. "Why seaweed?" Penrod, who had joined the operation, shrugged. "…This is the _Dutchman._" I patted his head. "I'm aware."

He shook my hand off and proceeded to eat what was left of the popcorn that we had attempted to string. I had walked away for a minute, and the boys had all dove for it. I came back and the foredeck was suspiciously void of life…undead… and popcorn. I sighed.

Introducing the boys to popcorn had been the worst idea ever.

I smiled at the tree. Not the best decorations I had ever seen, but it was still perfect. I really liked it. Apparently, so did the crew, though they had no idea what to do with it.

"…Do we dance around it, or something?" Bootstrap leaned against the railing, holding a rum bottle. "I'd like to see you all doing that. I would bust a gut laughing." He rolled his eyes, smiling. "Really. What's the purpose of this thing?" I hopped up on a crate next to him. "It's part of a Pagan holiday thing. Americans picked it up in the late 1800's, or something. We decorate the tree with stuff, and usually put a star on top. The star, I think, represents the star that lead the three wise men to Bethlehem when Jesus was born. I think." I shrugged, not being able to explain much further than that. "So… We don't dance around it." I sent him an amused/disbelieving look. "What's got you so fixed on the idea of dancing, Bill?" He did an overly dramatic shrug, reminiscent of me. "I dunno."

There was a silence as we watched the sun set below the highest point of the mainland. I suddenly wished there were outlets on the ship, but, it was not to be. The silence wasn't to last, either. Apparently the crew had Christmas Eve off, and so took this golden opportunity to get stoned. They had already been at it for half-an-hour, so the alcohol was beginning to set it.

It turns out Clanker can't sing worth a damn. He's just that off-key. I was tempted to cover my ears, but that would've been rude. But, on the other hand, I was on a ship full of pirates…

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the wayyyyy…" I had taught him Jingle Bells on a whim, and he seemed to find the song amusing. He was now trying to get the rest of the crew to sing. They were catching on, but still…

"Merry Christmas, guys!" I hollered down. There was a pause.

"AMEN T' THAT!"


	7. DA: Bothering Palifico

Dutchman Adventures: Bothering Palifico

It was just one of those days where you have to do something, before you go insane. Or, more insane then you already are. I suppose it varies from person to person.

So, I decided, today would be devoted completely to the bothering of one Palifico, Occupation: Bodyguard. Why him? Because I don't get to spend a lot of time with my besty Palifico. He's often guarding the Captain (from me, I think), and we're opposites, in a way; He's tall while I'm short. He doesn't talk much, and I never shut up. They were just the little things that keep us from actually just hanging out.

So, I pulled on my hat, and walked out on deck, searching for that familiar shock of beautifully orange coral. I spotted it next to the Captain's door, partially obscured by a flight of stairs. I scoffed in a scoffing-ish type way. Of course. "Oi, Pally!" I skipped over. He looked up from the ground. "…Hello." He was probably thinking something along the lines of 'Wonderful, here comes the spaz', or 'I knew this time was coming'. I'm pretty sure they all do, actually.

"What'cha up to?" I climbed halfway up the stairs, and then stuck my legs under the railing so I was a little shorter than eye-to-eye with him. "…Nothin'." I squinted one eye at him, imitating Davy. He rolled his eyes, which started me on a whole new subject. "How can you see out of…ithose?/i" I gestured wildly. I wasn't sure what his eyes were, actually. "…My eyes?" The incredulousness in his tone made me snicker. "Just like you do. I see colors an' everythin'… Just my eyes're worms. I think." I blinked at him. "You don't know what your eyes are?" He shook his head. "I haven't seen my reflection in years." I started to shift to get up, when he said, "And I want i' t' stay that way." I sat back down, having thought to go get a mirror. This proved my previous suspicion.

Palifico can read minds. He's just like Davy.

"…I'm bored." We hadn't said anything for a few minutes, strangely enough. I wasn't tempted to talk as much as I normally would. "Is that so?" He didn't seem very concerned. "Yes." I thought a moment. "Teach me to swordfight!" He looked at me like I had started to speak German. "What?" "Teeeaccchhh. Meeeeeee. Toooo-" I was cut off by him placing a hand over my mouth. "Aye, I heard tha'. Ye really want t' swordfight?" I nodded enthusiastically. "A'right then." He handed me one of his swords, and I gallivanted down the stairs. "You hold i' like this," He instructed, showing me where to place my hand on the hilt. I watched as my arm wobbled to hold it up. "You can also put yer other hand on it." He showed, and I did the same. "A'right... Now, try an' hit me." I gaped at him.

His snickered, something I hadn't heard since Halloween, and shook his head. "Even iif/iyou hit me, t'won't be lethal." I shook my head dramatically, sighing. "Shame, that." His sword suddenly slashed through the air, and, for a fleeting instant, I understood how those sailors felt in their brief duels with the Crew.

Abso-bloody-lutely terrified.

"HOSHIT!" I tripped backwards, falling to the ground. He snickered again, hauled me up, and readjusted the sword in my hands. He actually seemed to be enjoying this. "Yer not supposed t' fall backwards. If you were an actual enemy, ye'd be dead in an instant." I looked up at him, as he towered a good foot over me. "Yeah, but I'm not an enemy." I paused. i"DON'T KILL MEH!"/i I cringed away dramatically. He poked the side of my head, something that I would do to him occasionally. "D'ye want t' learn swordsmanship? Or are you goin' t' cower like a three-year-old?" I looked at the sword in my hands, and then smirked at him. He blinked back. i"EN GARDE!"/i I lunged, driving my sword at his gut.

In a series of events that I can only describe as inhumanly fast, a foot hooked around my ankle, I was pushed backwards by my shoulder, hit the ground, and there was pointed steel at my throat. All I could do was stare at Palifico, gasping for the air that had rushed out of me when I hit the deck. As I blinked up at him, I heard what sounded like a snort.

Then it was a chuckle.

Then it was full-blown laughter.

This was something that I barely could believe, much less register in my incapacitated state.

Palifico was practically in hysterics. What the hell was going ion/ihere? Perhaps I DID hit something when I dove at him. His funny bone.

Clanker walked by, did a double take, and came back. He crouched down, so I had an upside-down view of the broad smirk he wore. "What're ye doin' on th' ground? Get up!" I simply breathed deeply, my breaths less and less shuddery as time passed. "Get up, ye l'il blackguard!" He scooped me up, and then set me down on my feet. "Now what's with him?" Clanker pointed to Palifico, who was calming down, now.  
"'Er face. T'was th' funniest thing. 'Er eyes were nearly popping outta 'er skull…" He trailed off as he started to laugh again.

I 'hmphed' angrily, and thrust his sword back into his arms. Clanker had joined in with the laughter, so I left the two behind as my mind raced for a decent revenge. But, for now, I picked up a mussel shell, whirled around, and threw it at the back of Palifico's head.

I was satisfied to hear an indignant "Oy!" as I walked away.

I watched, hidden in the darkness, as Palifico made his rounds about the deck. He didn't seem to be paying very much, but he would chuckle offhanded once in a while. I was both pleased and slightly miffed. I had made him laugh, but had my face been iTHAT/i funny?

I saw my opportunity in the lines that hung above the deck. If I timed this right, I would scare the hell out of him… This had to be done. I was already wearing Clanker's hat… I could hear him shouting in the hold… but my revenge also had to be extracted on the main fiend. Fiend. Oh, how I love that word.

Palifico came closer to where I was slowly sliding out onto the lines. He wasn't looking up, so I could tell he hadn't seen me. The time was drawing nearer… nearer…

I flipped down in front of his face, the thrill of hanging upside-down by my knees feeling amazing. Of course, everything went wrong after that.

Palifico ran right into me, his bony forehead ramming into my gut. I folded over, winded because of him iagain/i, landing on his shoulder. Not expecting the weight, he fell over sideways, drawing his sword simultaneously. So, now, I was half-pinned under the weight of a six-foot-someodd man, who was holding a sword to my throat. I closed my eyes and screamed.

"JEN-AH!" Davy came stomping out on deck, followed by the rest of the crew, including one pissed-off looking Clanker. I felt the metal leave my throat, but I couldn't make myself open my eyes. I felt Palifico shake my shoulders. "What was that! What was it? I almost killed ye! Ye shouldn't do tha'!" I blinked up at him, trying to figure out which of the three Palificos swirling around was the one I should be talking to. I chose the one to the side.

"Dude, it was irevenge!/iRevenge is what makes the world go round! It's best served cold!"

He stopped shaking me, and I finally figured out that I was speaking to the wrong Palifico. I was actually to be talking to the one in the middle. Damn these trick questions.

There was silence as they processed my statements. Davy snorted. "She'd be right, Master Palifico." I shakily stood up, and felt Clanker's hat being ripped off my head. "That'd be imine/i_, _thank'ee very much!" He stomped away with his rum, clearly ready to turn in. They dispersed, as people tend to do, leaving just Palifico and I out on deck.

He was glaring at me. "Look, man, I'm sorry." His glare softened, but didn't completely go away. "I'm serious. I didn't mean to scare you so bad." I paused. "Well, I idid/i... But I didn't think you would overreact so much." He didn't move for a moment, but then shrugged. "…Aye. Ye learn t' stab first, ask questions later." I nodded. I understood entirely. "But, we're all cool, right? No hard feelings?" He nodded, paused, and then stuck out his hand. "No hard feelin's." I looked at it for a moment, and then shook it, not quite used to the formalities some of the crew employed. "Awesome. Though I don't think that I should continue with swordsmanship." He nodded. "That might be a good idea…"


End file.
